Welcome to my post for Weekend Writing Warriors #wewriwa where authors share 8-10 sentences of their work.
I’m continuing with an excerpt from my newest release, Sand and Sin. Injured in Afghanistan just before his team is to return home, Navy SEAL, Jax Taylor takes leave after being released from the hospital and catches a military hop to Virginia Beach to see a buddy. When Jax arrives, TJ is night training and recommends a local SEAL bar called the Trident. We pick up when Jax arrives and spies a lovely, green-eyed bartender. She welcomes him by saying she’s only seen one other man stride into her place with a more pissed-off expression. He retorts with,“Your ex?”
Mr. Dark Blues matched Peri’s sarcasm and the small scar on his chin kept him from appearing too pretty. “Insightful, let me guess…vodka tonic.”
He narrowed his gaze.
“Martini?” she asked smiling and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “You’re too GQ for domestic, Heineken?”
He tightened his jaw.
The pretty boy comment appeared to have struck a nerve, so she asked, “Whiskey on the rocks?”
Raising a brow, he lifted his chin with swagger.
She slid a cocktail napkin on the bar in front of him and said, “You gotta be a Jack man.”
He grinned, revealing near perfect teeth.
Some creative speech tags that I don’t normally use and joined some sentences to get a good portion of the scene done in ten.
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I also hope you’ll take a chance on Sand and Sin. Available at all major e-book retailers. amazonkindle, Apple, Google, Kobo, Nook
A reader’s honest review is the best thank you an author can receive.
Time has left me behind; I don’t know what a Jack is. And to think that once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, I used to be a bartender.
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Ha! Looking like that, I bet he gets called “pretty” fairly often. I liked the detail about the scar on his chin–but in spite of it. he still is GQ. Nice!
FYI–I think a “Jack” is a Jack Daniels–in case you were wondering if readers would understand. 🙂
As a moderator–I counted 11 sentences. I read that you worked it to make 10 sentences, so I assume you missed a comma somewhere. 🙂
Good snippet, Dani. I wish you much success with this book!
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I just downloaded it from Amazon. Not sure when I’ll get to it–I have so many stacked up to read on my Kindle. I’m writing now, and I don’t read a lot when I write. Writer’s block will get me soon–and I’ll whittle away at the TBR. 🙂
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Thanks for buying, Teresa! Hope you get a chance to read
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And the reason I write, because I’m not good at math! Oh well on the Daniels, it already to print. Fans of JD will get it I guess. Thanks! Now off to search for that comma.
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Snappy monologue, Dani. This promises to be a cracker of a story. Congratulations on the release!
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Thanks Kim!
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Enjoying the story, love the little details, which add so much depth. Great snippet!
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I appreciate you always stopping by! 🙂
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Enjoying the story, and love the dialogue in the bar scene. I like it when there is that slight antagonism between a couple, who you are sure are going to end up between the sheets! Good luck with the book launch.
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Thanks, Rachel! Both are in professions that tend not to tolerate a lot of BS so it seemed natural to have them see who could out wit the other.
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Haha- personality assessment via drink preferences. Seems she doesn’t quite have a bead on him yet.
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He seems to be a contradiction to her usual patron. Thanks for stopping by
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Snippy, snappy comments and don’t ya know, I got it all and loved every word.
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Thanks Charmine! I love to write this type of dialog, but it can be risky as not everyone will pick up on the sometimes subtle nuances. Hope you are enjoying your family weekend! Know how much I always appreciate you stopping by! 🙂
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Love the banter between them. It’s perfect! Great scene and hey, congrats on the new release. I think I may have to grab a copy so I can keep reading. 🙂
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Thanks Stephanie. If you get it, I hope you like it. Appreciate you stopping by.
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I got it and can’t wait to read 😊
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Aww, thanks so much!
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Love this dialogue and her attitude. My daughters wants to learn to be a bartender. I hope she’ll be that on the ball. 🙂
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Thanks Jenna! Spent a lot of time watching a local bartender when hubs and I used to frequent this “cave” like bar that had great food. The bartender, Sherry, could put the smarties in their place in a heartbeat.
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I love this snippet . Great visuals and he sounds a wonderful character
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Thanks Naomi! I had fun writing this scene.
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